Well, I experienced another typical week – I accidentally bought six tubes of toothpaste, I accidentally tore up a kitchen sink strainer, and I sorta accidentally forced my mom and sister to share a six-piece chicken McNuggets.
Oh, and I also survived round one of Icepocalypse ’21.
By the time you read this-here column, we should be in the final throes of round two of Icepocalypse ’21. We’ll see if I survive that without succumbing to madness, hypothermia, and/or hunger.
As long-time readers might suspect, I’m a tad concerned about a potential ice storm-themed power outage. I’ve detailed, in what some readers might describe as excruciating detail, my struggles with short-term outages. As I’ve said before, I was not meant for a “Little House on the Prairie” existence.
I have, however, planned for a potential outage. I have uploaded music so that I won’t be driven to madness by silence. In regard to an alternate heating source, I plan to dress in layers, ply multiple blankets atop me, and lie under those blankets for hours upon hours in the darkness, wondering how my life choices led me to such miserable moments in time. Then, as soon as the roads clear, I will throw off the blankets and drive until I find electricity.
As for sustenance, I have purchased enough chips and candy to get me through a few days.
Yes, I realize chips and candy aren’t exactly loaded with vitamins, but what else am I supposed to do? I’m something of an orchid and, thus, I have certain dietary needs. Chief among those is a need for warm food.
Whenever I share my power outage food plans with people, they always suggest I make sandwiches. Uh, no. I’ve never been a sandwich type of gal. Indeed, I don’t even own sliced bread.
Sure, I’ve been known to eat a cold ham sandwich in my day. But I prefer a ham sandwich that includes cheese and I’d prefer for the entire enterprise to be served on a toasted and/or heated sub bun, which I’m fairly sure can’t occur during an outage.
A couple times a year, I also get a hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich, but you guessed it. That also can’t occur during an outage.
So, if I’m going to be miserable, I might as well make it a little more tolerable with help from my old friends – Chip and Candy.
This post originally appeared in the Appalachian News-Express.