Last week, on the anniversary of my birth, I found my favorite ice cream at the store. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but heretofore, I had been unable to find that flavor in my grocer’s freezer. Or, for that matter, in anyone’s freezer.

What’s more, it’s the only ice cream – with the exception of an occasional Oreo Blizzard – that I enjoy. So, you can imagine the unbridled joy I felt as I selected two containers – one for each hand – whilst humming the birthday song to myself.

Since my taste buds had been in the mood for ham subs, I also picked up the ingredients – ham, store brand provolone cheese, and steak buns – so that I could prepare a week’s worth of them. When I arrived home, I put away the groceries, sampled the ice cream – it tasted sinfully delicious – and went on with my life.

The following day, I retrieved the ingredients and set about assembling a ham sub. When I opened the six pack of steak buns, I gasped – the bag contained only five sets of buns!

Who had absconded with the missing bread?

As I made the sub, I considered the most logical answers to the question. Obviously, I put myself at the top of the list of suspects. But when I noted that the packs of ham and cheese remained opened, I ruled out myself as the culprit. Even I don’t like bread well enough to eat two plain buns.

Next, I turned to the cat army. At least one member of the army is known to lick plastic. Perhaps, she became too excited and licked and/or bit a hole in the bag and then treated the rest of the army to some fresh bread. But there were no holes in the plastic bag, so I told the army they were free to go back to sleep.

Then, I mulled over the possibility that a worker in the bread factory had gotten distracted – maybe by the thoughts of ice cream – and had accidentally shorted the bag of bread.

That didn’t seem realistic, so I decided on the only rationalexplanation. A person who wanted only one sub went into the store, opened the bag, and removed one set of buns. Perhaps a pack of ham and cheese is also missing a few slices. I’m just glad I didn’t purchase those hypothetical packs. As it was, I had enough ham, cheese, and buns to enjoy five subs.

At this point, you might be asking yourself, “Self, did she contact the store about the missing bread? I’ll bet they would have refunded her 49 cents for those lost buns.”

I’ll admit, for a moment, I contemplated calling the store. But then I enjoyed a spoonful of sinfully delicious ice cream and all was forgiven.

This post originally appeared in the Appalachian News-Express.

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