Hand to mouth — March 10, 2020

Hand to mouth

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m something of a worrier. So, it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that I’m devoting most of my current worrying minutes to the coronavirus. Sure, I’ve heard and read that a healthy non-elderly person such as myself should be just fine. But I’ve also heard and read that folks can have the virus yet be symptom free. In other words, I could contract the virus and unknowingly infect scores of unhealthy and/or elderly people.

Although I can’t stop the coronavirus from spreading faster than a rumor at a family reunion, I can take precautions to keep the virus from infecting me. Indeed, that’s why you might have seen me strolling through the Super Dollar with gloves on hands like an extra in a Joan Crawford movie.

I’m also washing my hands with more enthusiasm. This doesn’t mean I’ve just now started practicing good hygiene. It just means that before last week, I squirted the minimum amount of soap on my hands and then rubbed my sort of soapy hands together and under water for approximately three seconds before calling it good.

But since I’ve commenced washing my hands for the amount of time it would take “Free Bird” or in a pinch, “American Pie,” to play, my hands are quickly becoming dry. This, of course, means that I also need to put lotion on my hands more often. Thankfully, I convinced my mom to offer me a bottle of lotion, so now I have enough for home and work.

Unfortunately, though, I have some bad habits that might increase my chances of contracting the coronavirus, or any bug for that matter. I touch my face dozens of times an hour and I rub my eyes scores of times a day. In fact, in the past 45 seconds, I’ve scratched my nose twice and my forehead once and covered my mouth with my hand 14 times. The only reason I haven’t rubbed my eyes is because, now that I’ve written about these habits, I’m super conscious of them and concentrating on not putting hand to face.

I’d like to think that the threat of death would cure me of these habits, but a similar threat hasn’t kept me away from carbs. Regardless, just in case I’m forced to self isolate, I’ve stocked up on supplies. In fact, you might have seen me strolling through the store, with gloves on hands, purchasing chips, candy, and crackers. You know, the essentials.

This post originally appeared in the Appalachian News-Express.

Categories: Humor

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