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My salad days

I’ve come to the realization that I’ve wasted my life.

This epiphany occurred, appropriately enough, as I enjoyed a chicken Caesar salad. You see, recently I’ve developed something of an obsession with the tasty salad. This newfound fascination is all the more compelling when you consider that, for years, I wrinkled my nose in disgust when anyone so much as offered me a bite of chicken Caesar salad.

There’s no good reason for such behavior. As I relished each delicious morsel over lunch last week, I tried to remember what had kept me and the salad apart for what I’ve taken to calling the lost years. The only explanation I have is that I mistakenly believed that chicken Caesar salad was served with ranch dressing. Of course, I can take ranch dressing in small doses, so I’m not even sure that’s an acceptable rationalization.

Regardless, a couple months ago I had occasion to feast on what I later referred to as the best salad I had ever eaten. A week later at a Christmas luncheon, I ordered a house salad at a local restaurant that rivaled the best salad ever.

I did not connect the dots at that point. It wasn’t until a month later, after I actively ordered a chicken Caesar salad, with dressing on the side, that I made the connection. Even then, it didn’t immediately click. As I put only a minimal amount of dressing on the salad, I said to myself, “Self, this dressing doesn’t look or taste like ranch. Actually, this salad reminds me a little of the best salads ever, versions one and two.”

Since then, I have gone out of my way to get my hands on chicken Caesar salad. I waited in line for several minutes to obtain one specifically made for me. I’ve added chicken, romaine lettuce, Caesar dressing, and sprinkly Parmesan cheese to my shopping list. No croutons for me, though.

Whilst compiling my list, I searched for chicken Caesar salad recipes. Yeah, I know. It contains something like five ingredients. But I wanted to make sure I had included all the essential ingredients on my list. According to my research, common ingredients include anchovies, Worcestershire sauce and crushed garlic.

This distressed me. I thought making a chicken Caesar salad would involve tossing some sprinkly cheese on lettuce and chicken and then lightly seasoning the creation with dressing. I was not prepared to crush garlic.

Luckily, further research indicated that the so-called common ingredients comprise the dressing. Apparently, some over-achievers make their own dressing.

Not me. The less time I spend on making the salads, the more time I’ll have to enjoy them.

This post originally appeared in the Appalachian News-Express.

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