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What the flip?

I’ve never gotten into those shows where people tear down walls with big ole sledgehammers in an effort to renovate their home or to modernize a house to sell. My lack of interest rests, in part, on the fact that I can’t visualize the transformations before they take place.

When one of the sledgehammer-toting folks says something like, “Hey, let’s rip out this fireplace and replace it with a walk-in closet,” everyone else says, “Ohh, that’s going to be beautiful,” whilst I say, “Hmm, I’m not sure about this.”

To put it simply, I don’t have the imagination to enjoy these shows. Indeed, most of the time I think the rooms and homes look just dandy before the sledgehammer makes contact with the first wall. As the renovators scan a room with a mixture of disgust and dismay plastered on their faces, I think, “Wow, this is a really nice home.”

Of course, I must also admit that I only partake of these programs at my sister’s or at the beauty shop. And I don’t wear my glasses whilst receiving my cut and color, which might affect my ability to judge a room’s appeal.

For example, during my last visit to the hair-cutting place, we were entertained by a show that features a duo who flips houses. After they bought a particular house, the duo discovered that someone had stolen the swimming pool pump. Whilst they discussed this expensive setback, the cost of the pump appeared onscreen. Thanks to my expert squinting, I read the amount as $71,000. At that point, two thoughts entered my mind – one, swimming pool pumps cost entirely too much money; and two, my eyesight must be improving in my advanced age.

As it turns out, the pump was the much-more reasonably-priced $1,000. Although this made a liar out of my eyes, I didn’t focus my energies on the phantom seven. Instead, I celebrated the fact that I had actually recognized the one and zeroes.

This show also reminded me of a phone call I received a decade ago whilst employed as a reporter. One day, I spoke to a local lady who recommended I feature her house-flipping endeavors in the paper.

Having never heard the phrase “flipping a house,” I had no idea what she was talking about and envisioned her literally turning a house upside down. Thus, I skeptically asked, “What do you mean by flipping?” Although she tried to explain, she would have had better luck talking to my desk.

As you might imagine, I never wrote a story about her house flipping. That’s too bad, because I might have been able to talk her into letting me tear down walls with a big ole sledgehammer.

This post originally appeared in the Appalachian News-Express.

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