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‘The Office’ and me: Can this marriage be saved?

I still love “The Office,” but I’m not in love with it anymore.

We’re staying together out of habit and for the characters. We remember happier times, like when Michael stepped on his George Foreman grill and Dwight earned a concussion in an attempt to rescue him.

That was how we met. A co-worker had been trying to introduce us, but I resisted. I rank “sense of humor” high on my list of relationship needs, and I didn’t believe “The Office” would make me laugh. Then, one Thursday night, I gave it a chance.

As soon as Dwight crashed his Trans Am, I knew it was love.

Like most couples, we’ve had our ups and downs. I can never get enough Creed and I would have written Ryan and Kelly out years ago.

And as much as I appreciate Dwight K. Schrute, I will never forgive nor forget his role in the death of Sprinkles the cat. As Angela explained, Sprinkles “had so much left to accomplish.”

But something hasn’t been right between “The Office” and me for a while. The trouble began with Dunder Mifflin’s financial woes. I know how that sounds, but I swear I’m not looking for a partner who doubles as an ATM. But I’m also not looking to “The Office” for realism.

The situation didn’t improve once Sabre bought the company. Sure, I welcomed the addition of Jo. But why did she have to bring Gabe and why has he remained? The episode where he and Erin hosted a “Glee” watching party remains one of the worst dates I’ve experienced with “The Office.”

The love triangle featuring Gabe, Erin and Andy added more stress to our faltering affair. Gabe needs to go. Erin can stay if she utters, at most, three words an episode and Andy…

I like Andy, but making him a warm and fuzzy Michael Scott clone – without the inappropriate behavior, of course – only makes me miss Michael. And this isn’t about Michael. He made the decision to leave and, frankly, he was becoming a bore. So, now’s the time to spice things up … if you know what I mean.

Instead of spice, I get scenes of lovable loser Andy telling the creepy and mysterious new boss he has a bunch of gosh-dern wonderful folks working for him. And I get the sickening lovefest known as Pam and Jim. I once considered myself a PB&J (Pam Beesly & Jim) fan. That was before a pregnant Pam made Jim tell everyone what perfumes they could wear and foods they could eat, so as not to nauseate her sensitive little self.

Unfortunately, Pam’s pregnant again. Between her mood swings and Jim’s constant need to inflate her low self-esteem, I’m not sure how much more I can stand. At least Angela, who’s pregnant by her husband the (state) senator, has contacted social services on Pam for drinking herbal tea from a coffee cup.

See, “The Office” and I still enjoy those special little moments. We enjoyed several late last season during Dwight’s brief tenure as acting manager. No matter what happens between us, we’ll always have the memories of Dwight’s office of torture – a piranha tank with a real piranha, the replica of Uday Hussein’s desk – and of him requiring everyone to recite the pledge of allegiance each morning.

And I appreciate how, with Michael’s departure, the show is giving me more scenes with characters like Stanley and Kevin. And as long as Robert California is used sparingly, he won’t annoy me.

But I’d like more Jim and Dwight. Forget Jim and his harpy wife, he and Dwight are “The Office’s” true super couple.

If it’s not too much to ask, I also want situations of a more comedic nature. I rank laughing high on my list of comedy relationship needs and “The Office” hasn’t been fulfilling those needs. If “The Office” doesn’t fulfill my needs, another show will.

Maybe I just need to kiss the “The Office” and say goodbye.

Or maybe not.

An upcoming episode takes place on Dwight’s beet farm, which means cousin Mose might make an appearance.

Oh, the fun we’ve had on that beet farm with cousin Mose.

I guess I’ll give “The Office” another chance. Things can always get better. Right?

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